he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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