I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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