Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize