What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
