That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
