I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The Olympian is in my bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
