The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
