The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
