dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
