the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
