I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
