You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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