Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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