Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
