I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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