Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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