my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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