So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
