I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
