I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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