Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
