Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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