i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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