why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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