I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
