sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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