Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
