i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
