Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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