Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize