Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
