my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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