Rock
Scissors
Fuck
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
