i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
