so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
