i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
