oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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