Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
