I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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