considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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