are you so shy because you have an std?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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