I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
