Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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