I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
