Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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