i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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