Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
