Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
