no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There are leaves in my underwear?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
