So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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