I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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