you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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