Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sarcasm needs its own font
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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