Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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