drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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