can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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