You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
