I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
