Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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