Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
