i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
