If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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