I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
