just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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